Evolving from feedback

I had an interesting discussion with a really smart friend a couple of weeks back about feedback. I mentioned that like the 4/5 stages of grief, there are 3 stages of dealing with negative feedback:

Emotion - This is the stage where you are focused on the messenger more than the message... "I can't believe this person said this!" or "I'm so angry I could... !"

Introspection - If you're smart, this is where you separate the message from the messenger and consider the validity of what the person said.

Evolution - Finally, you get the opportunity to evolve.

Several days later, when we spoke again, he gave me an example of evolving from feedback. He mentioned that he had just gotten some feedback from his employees about communication. So, he put three flags on his desk: Red, Yellow, and Green. When an employee comes in, they choose what color conversation they want to have.

Red - I just want you to listen to what I'm saying. Yes or No, should I proceed?
Yellow - I'm not sure about this, I want to try to solve this but could use a little guidance
Green - Open discussion, both ways. I want feedback and lots of it.

That isnt' exactly the meaning of each flag, but you get the idea.

So, how do you deal with feedback? What about negative feedback? Are you good at getting past the emotional state? If so, how?

Comments

[Michele Miller]

I'd say I deal with negative feedback on two levels - internally and externally. I'm getting pretty good at the external part... to not let that emotion show. Internally, I've also matured (thanks to old age and a bit of yoga and meditation). :-) One of the big lessons for me was to learn to peel the layers off of any conversation to get to the core of what is actually being said. Remember that others don't always come to you pure as the driven snow -- they often have their own baggage that can get in the way of the message they wish to deliver.

Then again, sometimes I just whack 'em upside the head... I do place them in a nice, comfy position on the floor before they come to, though... :-)

[fouro]

"Comfy position"? I dunno, Michele, sounds like you've gone all Ben & Jerry on us.

Me? I learned mgmt from The Great Santini -- Keep lots of basketballs around the office.

Jon - Pretty cool idea. Did he figure the system out or hear it somewhere?

[Nameless]

I was the one that came up with the "color scheme" idea - I did not get it anywhere. Actually, the colors represent (written from the "employee" perspective):

Red - I want to talk and I don't want any feedback or interruption from you - I just need you to hear me.

Yellow - I need to talk and I mostly want you to be quiet. If there is something really critical you think I need to hear, tell me, but proceed with caution.

Green - I am going to talk and am entirely open to having this be a two-way conversation.

Using this approach puts the onus on the employee to clarify their needs of the conversation before it starts and also removes future complaints about not "just listening" when that's what they need.

[fouro]

I love it.

Has it taken on a bit of cultural mystique? Does it apply to other opportunities in the company--the situational framing, I mean?

Very cool.

[Rod]

A fool may throw a stone into a well which a hundred wise men cannot pull out...